Hayley - Wester Hailes Edinburgh

Wester Hailes is quite a deprived area.

We had quite a bumpy upbringing, our relationship with our dad broke down, we felt hurt by our parents, the people that are meant to be the ones to look after you.  

But my best friend Nicole is a Christian and would invite me along to the youth nights at her church, Holy Trinity, when we were in high school. I would be dragged along but I didn’t really have any real interest.

I just thought these Christians who believed in God were crazy nutters! So I kind of was drifting in and out, but never took anything seriously.

Later on when I was in my first year of university Nicole had moved out of that youth space and she said she wanted somebody to chum her along to Alpha.

I was just really up for it, I remember having a dream, not long before she asked me to go, and it was a dream about being stuck in a care home, and life not going anywhere, and being trapped, and so when she'd asked me, that dream kind of was playing over in my head.

So we decied to go and we'd invited my brother Lee along to do the Youth Alpha while we did the adult Alpha. My boyfriend, who's now my husband, came along too purely just to make sure that I didn't become a Christian!  But actually he gave his life to the Lord on Alpha.

What really stood out to me is the people, I just remember thinking, oh, these people actually care about you.

The people there would remember something you had going on that week, and said, ‘oh, I was praying for you’, or ‘how did you get on with this’, or ‘I was thinking about you this week’. You can have kind of small talk conversations with people at work, or uni, and how much do you actually take in. But these people, there was something different about these people, they seemed really invested.

I was open to different people's thoughts and opinions. I had lots of questions, and there was loads of really good discussion in our small groups, but I was still holding the idea of God being real, quite far.

By the time I got to the Alpha away day in South Quensferry, our minister, Ian, during a time of reflection and prayer, came over and shared a word about God saying, ‘what is it you want, what sign is it you want, what sign is it you're waiting for?’

I did know God was real, but I just wasn't willing to take that step of faith.

Then I felt the Holy Spirit speaking right to me, and I actually, I burst out crying, and I ran away!

I’d just had an encounter with God, heavenly Father, but was confused about what was going on in my own mind.

I just walked and and walked, because I actually, I think, just that intimacy, with God reaching out, and saying, I'm here, I know what's going through your mind, and actually, that was really difficult to allow God into that space, to be, kind of, vulnerable.

Because of our upbringing I think, I was holding God at arm's length.

So it was a year of going to church on Sundays and doing a bit of Alpha again.

I had experienced him speaking to me through words in the talks, I experienced times of my own journaling and praying. I knew he was real, I just wasn't ready to submit and commit to him properly.

I was worried about what if I don't like it, what if I don't like being a Christian, or what if I'm left on my own again, looking kind of silly.

I think I just was worn down, I think I was in a shop and I was just like, what am I doing?

I was just tired of running and pretending, and I knew that God was real, and I just had to get over myself a bit, and make that commitment, and make that step…

I just can't imagine going through life not having Jesus have your back, I just can't imagine how, how people navigate the world, and the things that get thrown at you, not knowing that there's a whole bigger picture of life, and purpose, and why we should be, how we should be, should be living.

I’ve gone from a place of hurt to a place of belonging and just safety.

God has never, ever let me down, or not turned up…

After giving my life to the Lord, I got involved with doing volunteering with the youth here at Holy Trinity and then as the youth worker here.

I just absolutely love it, and have such a heart for the people of Wester Hailes.

I was studying nursing, but I knew it wasn’t the right fit for me, and then the opportunity came up of this job, and I went for it, and got it.

God reminds me so often of it, that I see so many young people coming in and out of the church, or in the high school, and they're so disengaged with what we do, and God's like - but that was you, you were that floater that came in and out, and you were the one that was sitting up the back and not taking part, and actually, like, God had this whole plan, and we had no idea.

So actually, it's encouraging for me that, with the young people that I do see, and I do engage with, that God's got them, he has this life for them.

Just that invitation from my friend, and she invited me along to Alpha, you know, if she didn't, and we didn't do Alpha, this wouldn't have, like, had this knock-on effect for Lee, and for our mum, now a part of the church, and come through Alpha, and my husband, there wouldn't be this bigger picture that God allowed to take place, and that just came from one invitation – ‘do you want to chum me? I'm going to go do this, do you want to come with me?’

Thinking of trying or running Alpha? My advice would be just go for it.’

Holy Trinity Wester Hailes Church of Scotland, Edinburgh